GM Authority has big news – literally – to share about an upcoming vehicle debut that has somehow stayed under our radar until now: Buick will soon reveal the Buick Enormous, an extended-length full-size SUV built on the GM T1 platform.
After years of being the only GM brand without a large sport-utility in its lineup, Buick says it is planning to advertise the Buick Enormous with the catchphrase “Making Up For Lost Time In A Big Way.”
Speaking on condition of anonymity, some sources within the company say the SUV was originally going to be dubbed the “Buick Ginormous” or even the “Buick Brobdingnagian.” However, this broke the Buick naming convention, where all nameplates have the En- prefix, so these early provisional names were dropped in favor of the Buick Enormous.
That’s because the Buick Enormous will be The General’s first four-row SUV. Even the front seating row is a bench seat, giving the Enormous a total capacity of 12 passengers. All of the bench seats will fold flat to maximize cargo space.
While the Buick Enormous’ front bench seat will feature a 40/60 split as standard so the driver will still have a place to sit when all the other seats are folded, an optional Extreme Luggage Package is available for those who need that little bit of extra space. The Extreme Luggage Package (RPO code 2MUCHSPACE) includes a harness to strap the driver horizontally to the cabin ceiling, enabling even the driver’s seat to be folded down for more cargo space. A special steering wheel with shifter, brake, and accelerator paddles will enable hands-only control possible in this unorthodox driving position, which can best be described as being in an upside-down luge. The package carries the advertising slogan “when the biggest SUV on Earth still isn’t quite big enough to carry everything.”
The Enormous will be produced in Preferred, Sport Touring, and Avenir trim levels. It will be motivated by three different engine choices, including the naturally aspirated 5.3L V8 L84 gasoline engine developing 355 horsepower and 383 pound-feet of torque, the atmospheric 6.2L V8 L87 gasoline engine rated at 420 horsepower and 460 pound-feet of torque (standard on Enormous Sport Touring), and the 3.0L I6 LZ0 turbodiesel Duramax engine producing 420 horsepower and 460 pound-feet of torque.
Some critics have made unseemly suggestions about the “big” advertising campaign and slogans of the Buick Enormous, following a January 2023 British study asserting a link between certain vehicle purchases and the specs of the male buyers’ factory equipment.
However, Buick and GMC global vice president Ancan Hundred told reporters “we’re not obsessed with the idea that size matters. It’s just that if you buy a Buick Enormous, the vehicle is such a big deal you’ll have more friends than you ever had before, so you’ve got to have somewhere to give them all a ride at once.”
“Since some of those friends may get a little noisy about wanting to borrow your new Enormous, we’ve decided to include our Buick QuietCabin feature as standard,” Hundred said. “You’re welcome,” he added with a smirk.
Buick QuietCabin is configured differently in the Enourmous than in other Buick models. A soundproof divider separates the front seating row from the three that follow. Originally designed to reduce the road and engine noises, the QuietCabin divider is also useful to block out the sound of complaining kids on long road trips to a distant murmur, or the sound of nine passengers asking to take your awesome SUV for a ride, or getting in an argument about politics, sports, or Bigfoot.
Sure to be the next big thing, the Buick Enormous is set to go on sale on February 29th, 2024. When asked about the choice of release date, one staffer remarked “you can only fit this puppy’s launch into a 366-day-long leap year.” Therefore, we’re a little less than a year before the 2024 Buick Enormous will arrive at Tri-Shield dealerships across the U.S.
Be sure to mark your calendar and Happy April Fool’s Day, GM Authority readers!