Autoblopnik Satirically Explains Slow Cadillac Sales
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The poor sales performance of the Cadillac ATS and new CTS sedans is a bit of a mystery, considering the overwhelmingly positive feedback the duo elicits from critics. Automotive news parody site Autoblopnik has an amusing theory regarding the stalling sales numbers: hoarding.
According to the-one-and-only Autoblopnik, the cars are so good that dealers simply don’t want to let them off the lot. “The truth is that the dealers are so crazy about the new cars, they just don’t want to let them go. They are hoarding the vehicles,” says Autoblopnik that General Motors Spokestwerker Nick Twerk says.
Autoblopnik also reveals that General Motors’ response to the problem has included strategies like slowing production to “wean dealers off the cars,” and introducing the new ATS coupe, in the hopes that dealers will hoard those, and let the sedans go to “alleviate pent-up customer demand.”
It may just be a parody site, but if one were to forgo the roles of marketing, competition, press, advertising, pricing, and consumer needs, the folks at Autoblopnik might be on to something. The next step is to source accredited psychologists to try and get to the root cause of these dealers’ hoarding addictions. Maybe – just maybe – we can give them the peace that they deserve.
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They don’t have to worry about me not buying their cars. As soon as my lease is up on my CTS Coupe, I’ll be getting be driving off the dealer lot in a new CTS.
It’s very simple. Cadillac just doesn’t have the status of a Mercedes or a BMW so people won’t buy at equal prices. A company in bankruptcy just a few years ago needs to build up their image and buy their way into the luxury market just like Lexus did in 1990. Until then, start discounting and forget about profitability.