Ever heard of a Buick Lamante? Neither have we. But we are familiar with the Buick LaCrosse, which is exactly what the somewhat nutty religious car salesman tries to sell to a young couple. The comedy and irony here is vast. For instance, the
first-gen LaCrosse Lamante is the dealer’s only car. And, of course, the salesman (played by Frank Caeti) is the only employee of the “Kurt Jones AutoPlex”. Watch for yourself:
Some of the quotes that caught our attention in particular:
“Hello folks, welcome to Kurt Jones Auto Plex, I am Kurt Jones… I recon you’re interested in a vehicle. Let’s pray. Lord Jesus, thank you for brining these customers to Kurt Jones, where the Lord lifts you up, and Kurt lowers the prices. Allow them to haggle and negotiate to make sure they get a fair price, but also see that the dealership makes a healthy profit. Thank you Jesus.”
The customers then say they aren’t ready to buy… so Mr. Jones whips out another prayer:
“Dear Jesus, please help Jeffrey and Abigail find a four-door sedan with power windows, sunroof, and a 6-disk CD changer that comes standard in the Buick Lamante… limited edition. Jesus wants you to get in that car, sit in that car…”
“It says Buick in the Bible?”, asks the husband.
“Let me tell ya something: God made the Buick, and the Devil made the import”, retorts Jones.
Then he goes on to sell the wife on the Lamante’s interior:
“Oh yes, feel the leather. Do you feel it? Can you feel the lumbar support lifting up your spirits? Do you feel it? Can you feel the seat warmers warming your soul, can you feel it, do you feel it? Yes Abigail, you have given so much to the Lord, and now you shall receive. You shall receive his mercy. You shall receive his glory. You shall receive a 3-year, 36,000-mile warranty.”
And it just so happens that Jesus is the finance manager at Kurt Jones AutoPlex, and he was kind enough to offer 1.9 percent interest rate for the lengthy period of 24 months…
When the husband doesn’t appear to be having it, Mr. Jones starts the “throwing in” game. It starts with free floormats, followed by a GPS Navigation System, and ends with a free tank of gas and spinning rims…
There are so many jewels of quotes here, we don’t even know where to begin… what’s your worse (or perhaps funniest) dealership experience? Talk to us in the comments.
Hat tip to Dan for sending this in.